The Next Chapter
As I sit on my back patio watching the rain fall, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. You see, I’m at my new house in a different state. Maybe I should back up a just a bit.
Three days before the start of school last year we decided to enroll our children instead of continuing on our homeschool journey. The decision was quick but the idea had been in the back of my mind for the previous 6 months. Although I loved homeschooling it was clear it was no longer working for my oldest child. Not only was he feeling lonely but he was not responding to me as his teacher. Our relationship suffered. I didn’t want him to get behind, I didn’t want to watch him struggle with being home.
When we told them they would be going to school with their friends in the neighborhood you could have heard my son’s scream of delight from across the city. His smile was so big. We quickly rushed to Target to pick up the needed supplies, bought some new tennis shoes, backpacks and lunchboxes. On the morning of the first day he said, “Mom, I’m a little nervous but also so excited!” I took a picture of him as he got off the bus on that first day and it provided the confirmation I needed. We made the right decision for him. I was sad to no longer homeschool but that kid was the happiest I had seen him in a long time. Later that year, during Thanksgiving, the students in his class wrote down what they were thankful for and then presented it to us at home. Can you guess what he said? “I’m thankful my mom let me go to school.” Instant tears. The entire year (although shortened) he had only one negative comment. And it’s the one most commonly heard from children and also one of my top worries transitioning from homeschool. “Mom, the school days are so long!” But I have to give major props to his elementary school. He didn’t sit in a chair all day. They were up and moving around the classroom, they have different areas to read and study. They take brain breaks and get up and move and dance. The structure was really good for him and I knew he was given many opportunities to move his body. He’s a STEAM kid, through and through, and his school is very strong in this area. His teacher understood him well and made a few adjustments. (He didn’t know how to use a computer so his testing at the beginning of the year was done on pencil and paper). His reading skills dramatically improved, he made friends, his confidence in math continued to increase. He was thriving. When school went to online learning he took control of his education and logged in on time, by himself, every day. He did his work without complaining and was happy to complete assignments. All in all, a fantastic year for Oliver.
My daughter also went to the same school for Kindergarten. She’s a homebody and would sit on my lap all day, so this experience was very different for her. She’s always been on the shy side but she was gaining confidence in the classroom. Without her big brother by her side she realized she could do it by herself. She loves math and science. She’s also a STEAM kid but in a much more quiet way. She was making great progress at school and coming out of her shell. Then Covid-19 hit. She did not do well with online learning and crawled back inside herself. She became much more quiet and reserved. Her confidence dwindled. Her teacher also saw the changes and allowed her to skip the Zoom calls which caused her a lot of anxiety. She checked in with her but also understood we would do things differently at home. Lord knows I have enough books and school supplies to last an eternity. But I struggled with how to deal with her emotions and stress. We ended up cutting school work down to only math and reading which helped her manage her daily emotions. We talked about how she was feeling and what she needed to feel more secure and confident. My brother, who lived near us, saw the changes as well. He too was concerned. I have thought about sending her to therapy but talking to a stranger may cause her more stress. Maybe I should go so I can learn how to help her. So we haven been taking it easy at home. No, she’s not back to her pre-Covid self but I know it will take time. I can’t rush her or force her. She will get there on her own time.
And then, another big change. My husband has been working on his own startup, on the side, for the last several years. It was time to make it his full time job. Although we absolutely loved living in Colorado and have the very best friends it just didn’t make sense financially. And if he was going to start traveling more for work we wanted the support of family near to us. So we made the incredibly difficult decision to move back to MO, where I grew up. Cost of living is a lot less, my parents and one of my sisters live in town, my other sister only two hours away. My brother is still in CO and we already miss him so much. I miss my friends, a lot. My kids miss their friends. We have plans to meet up for girls trips and family vacations because we want to be a part of their lives. . We will miss our children’s school and staff who are so incredibly loving and kind. We miss waking up to the mountain views every morning. We miss the weather, yes the weather. My kids have cried both tears of sadness and joy about the move. I have too. We have been in our new house for 10 days and it feels good. Sometimes I feel bad thinking that because I don’t want to downplay the wonderful life we had in CO. Yesterday, my husband and I went on our first date in 6 months. We rode our bikes on the trail to an outdoor restaurant. We sat there, eating our catfish and sipping on Arnold Palmer’s, surrounded by vibrant green trees and wildflowers. It’s so peaceful here. Our kids will love this place, we can’t wait to show them. Life here seems slower and simpler. Sure we can’t go see a Broadway play or drive a couple hours to go skiing in the mountains. But the kids can go fishing with their Poppi, make cookies with their Nonni and ride bikes with their cousins. We can go kayaking and hiking and lots of other things. My kids will attend the same school I did growing up and will wear the same adorable uniform. Life will move forward without forgetting the place and people we left.
So yes, I am happy and sad to be here. As my daughter says, “We can feel many things at one time.” Wise little lady.